Beyond the demi-truths of our dysfunction

When Demi Moore spoke about her fear of being unlovable and how betrayed she felt by her body, she got people’s attention (The Vancouver Sun, 5 January 2012). Women all over the globe were nodding in sympathy and agreement, knowing exactly how she felt because that’s how they felt too. Some felt relieved because it meant they were not the only ones to feel this way. But others felt much worse: if a beautiful, talented celebrity felt that way, what hope was there for ordinary people like them?

Yet what Moore is experiencing is a classic case of negative subconscious programming that has resulted in low self-worth, which has caused her to attract relationships that trigger, reflect and confirm her perceived unlovability. What she doesn’t seem to realize is that her subconscious programming is the only thing that needs to be addressed; she herself is absolutely lovable and deserving of love (and I personally think she’s wonderful). Even though she might intellectually know this to be true, however, her subconscious believes otherwise. And for as long as her negative subconscious programming is running the show (as it has been, up to now), she will keep attracting partners who fail to give her the kind of love that she seeks—despite her keen awareness of the issues. It doesn’t matter what I or millions of others might think about her, or even what Ashton Kutcher might think; it’s what she thinks of herself subconsciously—and demonstrates in her words/actions—that determines how much love she can attract, let in and hold on to.

The key to breaking this kind of frustrating cycle is to understand and work with the following seven principles:

1. Our subconscious is very magnetic and it causes us to attract very particular people, partners, challenges and circumstances, in accordance with how it has been programmed.

2. We have all been negatively programmed at the subconscious level—with negative beliefs, fears, guilt, expectations and low self-worth that leave us diminished, distorted, dysfunctional and disempowered. As a result, we compromise, have weak personal boundaries, are needy/insecure, and reject/deny/condemn ourselves in countless everyday ways.

3. A key component of our programming relates to our ‘missing pieces’—essential formative qualities, such as acceptance, trust, respect and validation, that we needed as children, in order to be complete, but failed to get. Filling in these missing pieces is the key to creating the love and the life we want.

4. Our missing pieces cause us to attract partners with the same missing pieces as us, which means they’re unable to give us what we’ve been missing and seeking all along; only we can fill in our own missing pieces and we must do so in practical ways, making ourselves emotionally complete so that we then attract a similarly complete partner.

5. Filling in our missing pieces means saying and doing things that DEMONSTRATE healthy self-worth, self-acceptance, self-respect and self-expression in our daily lives. It’s not enough to think positively or to have good intentions; it’s what we do and say to demonstrate our innate deservability (not what we think, feel, intend or believe) that changes our negative programming and then brings us what we’ve been missing all along.

6. Anything that’s not working in our lives—relationships, finances, career, health—is a direct reflection of the parts of our negative programming that are asking to be addressed; every challenge we face is a call to empowerment, in the context of our own particular programming and missing pieces.

7. Our programming is the very thing that gets in the way of us realizing that it’s the very thing that’s getting in our way. Transforming our negative programming in practical ways is the most powerful, effective way to create what we want.

So, rather than telling the world how unlovable she feels, Demi Moore could set a powerful example for others by getting down to the deeper truth of her dilemma—and by filling in her missing pieces so that she starts to attract the kind of partner she really wants and deserves.

She might also want to consider the fact that our bodies send us messages when we fail to honour them or respect their needs, thereby creating distress or rapid degeneration. If we’re feeling betrayed by our body, then, it’s almost always because our negative programming has prompted us to make emotional, physical or nutritional compromises in the hope of acceptance or approval from others—which means that we betray our body in numerous ways. We say yes when we want to say no; we over-extend ourselves, in the hope of recognition; we become pleasers, in the hope that others will love us in return; and we make others’ needs or feelings more important than ours, rarely putting ourselves first in healthy, unconditional ways. Understanding and heeding the body’s messages is another way of connecting with the deeper truth about ourselves—and cancelling out the negative programming that has been covering it up.

Let’s hope that the new programme that Moore will be co-producing later this year on cable TV—The Conversation—will reveal the bigger picture of empowerment, and not just the demi-truths of our dysfunction.

For a FREE e-book on how to identify and fill in your missing pieces in practical ways, please e-mail olga@olgasheean.com. For more on empowerment and the science of human dynamics, see www.olgasheean.com