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Stuck in a power struggle with yourself?

iStock_000005889385XSmallAs a coach and counsellor, I’m privileged to work with some wonderful high-powered businessmen (and -women). Yet the men, particularly, often resist their power so strongly that it can sometimes be hard to break through. They’re used to being in charge and to making things work. After all, for better or for worse, they’ve been running the world for millennia. But if things are not working in their business, they tend to attribute it to some external factor—the market, the economy, the poor work ethic, the wrong location, the workers, the competition, etc. They tell me: Olga, you don’t understand this business. I’ve been running this company for 30 years and I know how these things work.

And I say to them: Well, you’ve been running your body for 55 years and it’s not bringing you what you want; how well do you know how it works?

I’ve been around the block, Olga, and this is how it works in this industry. People just don’t

But it’s not about those people, out there. It’s about what’s going on inside; it’s about the power of you and your subconscious, and whether that power is switched on or off. It’s about whether that power is being channelled into external sinkholes or into the true inner drivers of your life.

But you don’t know how hard I’ve worked, how many times I’ve tried to fix this… you just don’t understand everything I’ve done.

True. I don’t. But I don’t need to, because I know the power of you—how it gets switched off, what it takes to switch it on, why we resist it so much, and how we can prove to ourselves that there’s an easier way to win. I don’t need to know the story of your life to know what’s going on; whatever’s happening in your life right now is story enough.

Yes, but…

I’ve been there, done that—argued with all the ‘evidence’ that life presents, and resisted the deeper truth, again and again and again. I’ve been masterful at resisting the power of me, and I know the symptoms of self-denial.

There’s a basic goodness and strength in men that pushes them to want to achieve things, to perform well and to make things work. (Of course, there’s sometimes a teeny weeny bit of ego, as well…) But while men can readily acknowledge the power of their business, as something they have created, they often discount the power of themselves, which is something that they are. And while it might sometimes seem as if I’m criticizing their approach by focusing on what’s going on inside them, I’m actually paying them the greatest compliment possible. I’m directing them to explore a power that will leave all their sophisticated business strategies in the shade.

We all have it, of course—not just men—and it’s a power that overrides market forces, the economy and whatever other factors may seem to be deciding our fate. Recognizing and understanding that power represents such a radical shift that it’s often too big a leap for some to make. Circumstances are so convincing, dramatic and distracting that we can’t see how some indefinable force inside us could possibly cancel out all the ‘evidence’ of our apparent inability to turn things around—to get the partner of our dreams, to save our business, to heal our relationships, or to break long-standing cycles of debt or defeat.

Yet if we resist an exploration of this power, we’re resisting ourselves. If we resist an expression of this power, we’re resisting success. If we insist on believing in the power of external forces, we’re resisting the easy route to getting what we want.

In all the strategizing, financial planning, market research and other due diligence that hard-working businessmen undergo, it can be hard to see an easy route. But if we switch our focus from external events to our internal dynamics, we discover a much greater force that can work in our favour.

I sometimes encourage men (especially those who work even harder when things stall) to take time out to just sit and meditate—to allow inspiration and answers to come to them, and to demonstrate the trust and confidence that they don’t always feel, deep down. But many of them are quick to set me straight: Olga, meditation doesn’t work for me. And I don’t have time for it; I’ve got to save my business, make money, protect my employees…

If we resist meditation, we’re resisting a connection with our self—the source of all our answers. And if meditation ‘doesn’t work’, it’s the connection with self that’s been scrambled.

We all have the power to be masterfully ‘manifestatious’. Our bodies and minds are the systems through which we live our lives—the medium through which we process who we think we are, how we think life works, and what we believe is possible. It’s not about finding a savvy business plan to outsmart the competition, or using clever marketing strategies to attract lots of paying clients. It’s about recognizing that you are the system, and then working to ensure that that system is operating powerfully—with solid self-worth, positive intent, healthy dynamics, clear boundaries, wholesome integrity, honest self-expression, sound values, and a loving validation of who you are, without manipulation, disrespect or contrivance, and without compromising or over-extending yourself in the hope of a payoff.

So, men, take a bow for all that you’ve achieved …and take a break to let in all that’s trying to reach you. You deserve it and it’s time to let things be easy. Any negative circumstances are simply pushing you to take charge in a new and masterful way, from the inside out.

Forget about tapping into the grid; get connected to the power in you and you’ll have no more power failures in your life. You’ll have power to pass on to others—and rocket fuel to spare.

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Beyond the demi-truths of our dysfunction

09/01/2012 4 comments

When Demi Moore spoke about her fear of being unlovable and how betrayed she felt by her body, she got people’s attention (The Vancouver Sun, 5 January 2012). Women all over the globe were nodding in sympathy and agreement, knowing exactly how she felt because that’s how they felt too. Some felt relieved because it meant they were not the only ones to feel this way. But others felt much worse: if a beautiful, talented celebrity felt that way, what hope was there for ordinary people like them?

Yet what Moore is experiencing is a classic case of negative subconscious programming that has resulted in low self-worth, which has caused her to attract relationships that trigger, reflect and confirm her perceived unlovability. What she doesn’t seem to realize is that her subconscious programming is the only thing that needs to be addressed; she herself is absolutely lovable and deserving of love (and I personally think she’s wonderful). Even though she might intellectually know this to be true, however, her subconscious believes otherwise. And for as long as her negative subconscious programming is running the show (as it has been, up to now), she will keep attracting partners who fail to give her the kind of love that she seeks—despite her keen awareness of the issues. It doesn’t matter what I or millions of others might think about her, or even what Ashton Kutcher might think; it’s what she thinks of herself subconsciously—and demonstrates in her words/actions—that determines how much love she can attract, let in and hold on to.

The key to breaking this kind of frustrating cycle is to understand and work with the following seven principles:

1. Our subconscious is very magnetic and it causes us to attract very particular people, partners, challenges and circumstances, in accordance with how it has been programmed.

2. We have all been negatively programmed at the subconscious level—with negative beliefs, fears, guilt, expectations and low self-worth that leave us diminished, distorted, dysfunctional and disempowered. As a result, we compromise, have weak personal boundaries, are needy/insecure, and reject/deny/condemn ourselves in countless everyday ways.

3. A key component of our programming relates to our ‘missing pieces’—essential formative qualities, such as acceptance, trust, respect and validation, that we needed as children, in order to be complete, but failed to get. Filling in these missing pieces is the key to creating the love and the life we want.

4. Our missing pieces cause us to attract partners with the same missing pieces as us, which means they’re unable to give us what we’ve been missing and seeking all along; only we can fill in our own missing pieces and we must do so in practical ways, making ourselves emotionally complete so that we then attract a similarly complete partner.

5. Filling in our missing pieces means saying and doing things that DEMONSTRATE healthy self-worth, self-acceptance, self-respect and self-expression in our daily lives. It’s not enough to think positively or to have good intentions; it’s what we do and say to demonstrate our innate deservability (not what we think, feel, intend or believe) that changes our negative programming and then brings us what we’ve been missing all along.

6. Anything that’s not working in our lives—relationships, finances, career, health—is a direct reflection of the parts of our negative programming that are asking to be addressed; every challenge we face is a call to empowerment, in the context of our own particular programming and missing pieces.

7. Our programming is the very thing that gets in the way of us realizing that it’s the very thing that’s getting in our way. Transforming our negative programming in practical ways is the most powerful, effective way to create what we want.

So, rather than telling the world how unlovable she feels, Demi Moore could set a powerful example for others by getting down to the deeper truth of her dilemma—and by filling in her missing pieces so that she starts to attract the kind of partner she really wants and deserves.

She might also want to consider the fact that our bodies send us messages when we fail to honour them or respect their needs, thereby creating distress or rapid degeneration. If we’re feeling betrayed by our body, then, it’s almost always because our negative programming has prompted us to make emotional, physical or nutritional compromises in the hope of acceptance or approval from others—which means that we betray our body in numerous ways. We say yes when we want to say no; we over-extend ourselves, in the hope of recognition; we become pleasers, in the hope that others will love us in return; and we make others’ needs or feelings more important than ours, rarely putting ourselves first in healthy, unconditional ways. Understanding and heeding the body’s messages is another way of connecting with the deeper truth about ourselves—and cancelling out the negative programming that has been covering it up.

Let’s hope that the new programme that Moore will be co-producing later this year on cable TV—The Conversation—will reveal the bigger picture of empowerment, and not just the demi-truths of our dysfunction.

For a FREE e-book on how to identify and fill in your missing pieces in practical ways, please e-mail olga@olgasheean.com. For more on empowerment and the science of human dynamics, see www.olgasheean.com