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Posts Tagged ‘acceptance’

Maybe yes, maybe no, or maybe just maybe…?

21/08/2013 3 comments

questionWords are powerful, and none more so than YES and NO. Are you using them powerfully in your life? In your work, friendships and relationships, what are you saying YES and NO to?

Do you say YES to honest self-expression, healthy boundaries and authentic interaction? Or do you say YES to more work, more care-taking, more compromises and more stress?

Do you say NO to disrespect, manipulation and being taken for granted? Or do you say NO to opportunity, daring adventure, fulfillment and growth?

What we say YES and NO to determines how much support, guidance, love, money, ease and success we can have—from our partner, from others, from strangers and from the universe. It’s a direct reflection of what we think we deserve and what we allow ourselves to receive, as a result. If we’re saying YES to lots of unhealthy dynamics, the universe will respect our choice to not put ourselves first (in healthy ways). It will acknowledge our message of ‘non-deservability’ and it will hold off on all deliveries of good stuff until we make it clear, through our healthy choices and behaviour, that we’re open to receiving again.

But don’t just take my word for it. Try it for yourself and see what happens. Say YES to one new thing in your life today—something healthy, positive or wonderful that you’ve never said YES to before. And say NO to one new thing in your life today—something you’ve never dared say NO to before, even though it would be healthy, positive and powerful for you to do so.

And let me know what happens.

Yes? No? Maybe? Hey, you decide.

Toxic-parenting purge [Part 2]

30/04/2013 1 comment

51 Move your bodyToxic-parenting purge [Part 2]

Resolving emotional pain can be serious stuff. If you have personal issues from your early years, you may find it exhausting – not to mention expensive – to address them effectively. And if you’ve suffered abuse in your upbringing, it may be depressingly difficult to break free from the frustration, anger and shame of the past.

To continue in the vein of emotional spring-cleaning of my previous blog (Part 1), here’s another spin on taking charge of your own healing, while giving yourself permission to have fun with it and thereby reduce its grip on your life. If you have suffered emotional, physical or psychological abuse in your life, the suggestion of using humour is not meant to trivialize your experience; it is, however, intended to lighten your load, while encouraging your subconscious to take a less serious view of what happened, thereby transmitting more positive messages to your body-mind as well as to the outside world. Since our self-worth is determined by our perception of who and what we are (which has been largely shaped by others), we can reduce any negative perceptions by focusing on light-hearted self-acceptance. When we laugh, we lift our spirit – and we also reduce the weighty ‘charge’ around the emotional pain in our hearts, which can cause us to attract more of the same.

Choosing to have fun with some former painful, damaging experience is a powerful statement of self-determination. It’s an active refusal to allow that pain to further dictate the quality of your existence. And if you’ve already done a lot of personal growth work, having outrageous fun may be the only thing you haven’t tried.

So let’s take that abuse to pieces. Let’s break it down so that it no longer runs your life or makes you reactive. Let’s see what it really stands for, and how you can read something better into this highly-charged word, transmuting it into a higher expression of who you really are, with humour, creativity and self-acceptance:

A is for ab-use – the creative and energetic use of your abs to exorcize your inner demons and free yourself from emotional angst, while making a nice tidy little six-pack of your tummy. Work those abs and pump that solar plexus, where most of your heavy-duty negative programming is lodged, but from where it can be ousted, with a little huff-n-puff and dogged determination. (You can double the benefit by doing this while watching a really funny movie, although you may end up doubled over.)

B is for brave-blogging – a brazen blog on something totally tedious that happened to you, written with all the weighty seriousness associated with a major world crisis. Like when you lost your earring down the plug hole and had to resort to all kinds of contortions and pointy contraptions to fish it out; or when you stepped on a massive mushy slug – in your bare feet! – and the luscious sound and texture of it, as it slithered silkily along the skin of your sole, where all 72,000 nerve endings instantly related the gristly nature of this encounter to every squeamish cell in your bod… or that time you had a really bad hairday and ended up looking (and feeling) like an angry buffalo in need of a parting just a little more to the left or maybe the right, if only your hair were not in a state of electrified anarchy… Be brave. Write unflinchingly. And send your message out to the universe. Speaking of which…

U is for universe – your very own private playground, with endless resources to nourish you and your dreams. Know that the entire universe is there to serve you – to enable you to discover, heal and empower yourself, not to mention having a laugh at all its cosmic ironies. Everything around you exists to somehow make your life better, richer and more meaningful – and it’s meant to make you laugh. The universe is working entirely on your behalf (even if it doesn’t always seem to), and it’s dedicated to bringing a smile to your face, every single day (which can be really hard work when we take ourselves seriously). Look for the humour, especially in the pain, for every single molecule thrives on the vibrations of your laughter. Own it; make the universe yours; and see what wonderful mischievous magic you can co-create together when you see the universe as the cosmic comedian that it is.

S is for scrumptious, sinful, soulful sustenance – the kind your body needs to support you in living your best-ever life. Focus on eating power-packed foods for one whole week and see what happens when you nourish yourself fully, without resorting to the comfort foods that the battered body so often yearns for. Think: brain food, superfood smoothies, maca-flavoured munchies, sprouted nutty nuggets, raw-cacao brownies, veg-n-fruit bars, raw chocolate – all the yummy, nourishing, potent stuff that you can find or fabricate yourself. By eating delicious foods that boost your brain power and your mood, you’ll gain a new understanding of the feel-good factor – and you’ll want to chuck the dreaded comfort foods that only mask your pain and stress your already-addled adrenals. Feed your body lovingly, and you’ll attract more of that loving quality into your life.

E is for everything – what you are made of, what you were created to do, and what you stand to gain by liberating yourself from the pain of your past. You have it all – the resources and the recipes; the faculties and the funnies; the smarts and the sexiness; the ideas and the insights; the wealth and the worthiness; and the power and the purpose, not to mention a host of heavenly hormones and huge hugability.

So put your own fresh, sassy spin on that tired old record that keeps replaying itself inside you. Hopefully, the abuse you suffered is a thing of the past; when you find creative ways to let it go, you give us all the gift of your presence by sharing the real, unabridged, uninhibited you.

I look forward to reading your brazen brave-blog.

Getting to the core of love

We spend a lot of time and energy seeking love in our lives. We may be looking for acceptance from a partner or approval from a parent; we may be hoping to succeed at a job interview or to win the respect of our peers; or we may be looking for support from our friends or help with some heartache. But all of these things are a form of love, and the need for this love drives almost everything we do.

Yet in relating to our partner, parent, boss or friends, we often send them very self-defeating messages. In our need for love lies our subconscious belief that we don’t deserve it. And in our attempts to appear lovable or acceptable to others, we trip over ourselves telling them how inadequate we are. I know I look fat in this dress. I’m really stupid when it comes to maths. I’m never going to get this right. I don’t earn enough money. I’m a hopeless dancer. I hate my legs—they’re full of cellulite. My hair’s a mess. I’ve got SO many wrinkles. I look ancient… What man/woman is going to want this??

We invalidate ourselves daily and we’ve got an arsenal of disclaimers to pre-empt the possible—and anticipated—criticisms of others. We so desperately want others to like/love/accept us that we allow them to define us—and we help them along by listing all our flaws and shortcomings. We give them rights to us—the right to determine how lovable we are; the right to determine how we feel about ourselves; and the right to treat us the way they think we should be treated. Yet we’re entitled to love and we must take ownership of our rights.

When we subconsciously believe ourselves to be unlovable, we prevent others from loving us. If we want to truly allow others in and to be deeply, unconditionally loved, we must stop rejecting ourselves—before, during and after any kind of interaction. We must reclaim ownership of ourselves and allow ourselves to be loved. It’s a choice, not a judgement. We must realize that we determine just how lovable, acceptable and deserving we are.  We think it’s determined by others who appear to be judging us, but the deeper truth is that our perception of unlovability causes us to attract people who reflect that perception back to us.

Being overweight, financially challenged, clumsy, shy, insecure etc has nothing to do with our lovability. These are merely the outcomes of our belief that we’re unlovable and we use them as excuses to buffer ourselves from being ‘found out’. After all, if someone gets too close, they’re going to discover just how unlovable we really are, right? Or so we often believe.

Yet a lot of our insecurities can generate self-pity—even blame. I’m so upset that he didn’t like me. How could he SAY such a thing?? If only she hadn’t made that nasty comment about me I’d be okay. It’s her fault that I’ve got this whopping headache. Some people are so selfish; they just dump everything on me. Everyone expects me to do all the work around here. We even use others as an excuse for staying stuck. I’m not going out today; I’ve put on so much weight, I don’t want anyone to see me like this. I’m not going to his party; he’s only going to talk about his boring work…

We’re really quite creative in the strategies we devise to hold ourselves back. We hardly need others to help us. But we need to wise up if we truly want to be loved. We must take ourselves seriously if we want to be seen for who we really are. And we must take responsibility for all the people we reject in their bid to reach us. Attracting love is not just about loving yourself more; it’s about choice, ownership, responsibility and entitlement—keys to the core of you.

Image: Salvatore Vuono / FreeDigitalPhotos.net