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Stuck in a power struggle with yourself?

iStock_000005889385XSmallAs a coach and counsellor, I’m privileged to work with some wonderful high-powered businessmen (and -women). Yet the men, particularly, often resist their power so strongly that it can sometimes be hard to break through. They’re used to being in charge and to making things work. After all, for better or for worse, they’ve been running the world for millennia. But if things are not working in their business, they tend to attribute it to some external factor—the market, the economy, the poor work ethic, the wrong location, the workers, the competition, etc. They tell me: Olga, you don’t understand this business. I’ve been running this company for 30 years and I know how these things work.

And I say to them: Well, you’ve been running your body for 55 years and it’s not bringing you what you want; how well do you know how it works?

I’ve been around the block, Olga, and this is how it works in this industry. People just don’t

But it’s not about those people, out there. It’s about what’s going on inside; it’s about the power of you and your subconscious, and whether that power is switched on or off. It’s about whether that power is being channelled into external sinkholes or into the true inner drivers of your life.

But you don’t know how hard I’ve worked, how many times I’ve tried to fix this… you just don’t understand everything I’ve done.

True. I don’t. But I don’t need to, because I know the power of you—how it gets switched off, what it takes to switch it on, why we resist it so much, and how we can prove to ourselves that there’s an easier way to win. I don’t need to know the story of your life to know what’s going on; whatever’s happening in your life right now is story enough.

Yes, but…

I’ve been there, done that—argued with all the ‘evidence’ that life presents, and resisted the deeper truth, again and again and again. I’ve been masterful at resisting the power of me, and I know the symptoms of self-denial.

There’s a basic goodness and strength in men that pushes them to want to achieve things, to perform well and to make things work. (Of course, there’s sometimes a teeny weeny bit of ego, as well…) But while men can readily acknowledge the power of their business, as something they have created, they often discount the power of themselves, which is something that they are. And while it might sometimes seem as if I’m criticizing their approach by focusing on what’s going on inside them, I’m actually paying them the greatest compliment possible. I’m directing them to explore a power that will leave all their sophisticated business strategies in the shade.

We all have it, of course—not just men—and it’s a power that overrides market forces, the economy and whatever other factors may seem to be deciding our fate. Recognizing and understanding that power represents such a radical shift that it’s often too big a leap for some to make. Circumstances are so convincing, dramatic and distracting that we can’t see how some indefinable force inside us could possibly cancel out all the ‘evidence’ of our apparent inability to turn things around—to get the partner of our dreams, to save our business, to heal our relationships, or to break long-standing cycles of debt or defeat.

Yet if we resist an exploration of this power, we’re resisting ourselves. If we resist an expression of this power, we’re resisting success. If we insist on believing in the power of external forces, we’re resisting the easy route to getting what we want.

In all the strategizing, financial planning, market research and other due diligence that hard-working businessmen undergo, it can be hard to see an easy route. But if we switch our focus from external events to our internal dynamics, we discover a much greater force that can work in our favour.

I sometimes encourage men (especially those who work even harder when things stall) to take time out to just sit and meditate—to allow inspiration and answers to come to them, and to demonstrate the trust and confidence that they don’t always feel, deep down. But many of them are quick to set me straight: Olga, meditation doesn’t work for me. And I don’t have time for it; I’ve got to save my business, make money, protect my employees…

If we resist meditation, we’re resisting a connection with our self—the source of all our answers. And if meditation ‘doesn’t work’, it’s the connection with self that’s been scrambled.

We all have the power to be masterfully ‘manifestatious’. Our bodies and minds are the systems through which we live our lives—the medium through which we process who we think we are, how we think life works, and what we believe is possible. It’s not about finding a savvy business plan to outsmart the competition, or using clever marketing strategies to attract lots of paying clients. It’s about recognizing that you are the system, and then working to ensure that that system is operating powerfully—with solid self-worth, positive intent, healthy dynamics, clear boundaries, wholesome integrity, honest self-expression, sound values, and a loving validation of who you are, without manipulation, disrespect or contrivance, and without compromising or over-extending yourself in the hope of a payoff.

So, men, take a bow for all that you’ve achieved …and take a break to let in all that’s trying to reach you. You deserve it and it’s time to let things be easy. Any negative circumstances are simply pushing you to take charge in a new and masterful way, from the inside out.

Forget about tapping into the grid; get connected to the power in you and you’ll have no more power failures in your life. You’ll have power to pass on to others—and rocket fuel to spare.

Are you human? Take the test

The Humanity Index

The Humanity Index is a way to gauge your willingness and capacity to be a decent, fully functioning, powerful human being — with a sense of humour and with the magnetism to attract what you want. It will provide a measure of how engaged you are in life, how committed you are to being fully you, and how much you believe in your ability to make a difference.

(If you’re too jaded to fill it out, or if you just can’t find the time because you’ve got 5,000 friends on Facebook, 1.5 million people following you on Twitter, and a dinner date with your pet goldfish, then you might want to consider whether there’s more to life — and you — than this.)

Integrity

-Are you true to yourself—speaking and acting in alignment with your values and beliefs?

Usually-3 Sometimes-2 Rarely-1 Never-0

Compassion

– Do you feel compassion for others and act on it in practical ways, taking time to listen/provide support?

Regularly–3 Occasionally–2 Rarely-1 Never-0

Honesty

-Do you express what’s in your heart and tell the whole story (not just the ‘safe’ bits)?

Often–3 Sometimes–2 Rarely-1 Never-0

Commitment

-Are you fully committed to being the best that you can be, actively doing your utmost to realize your dreams, and to staying healthy, fit and engaged in life?

Always–3 Sometimes–2 Rarely-1 Never-0

Intuition

-Are you connected to your gut instincts and do you trust/act on them in all important decisions?

Always – 3 Sometimes – 2 Rarely -1 Never – 0

Generosity

-Do you give money to support your community and give to the homeless/selected charities, spontaneously and with an open heart?
Regularly – 3 Occasionally – 2 Rarely – 1 Never – 0

Creativity

-Do you explore and engage in creative activities that inspire you and feed your passions?

Regularly–3 Occasionally–2 Rarely–1 Never-0

Friendships

-Do you take time to cultivate friendships, without being needy or a pleaser?
Regularly–3 Occasionally–2 Rarely–1 Never-0

Relationships

-Are your relationships based on trust, respect, healthy self-acceptance and understanding?

Yes–3 Sometimes–2 Rarely–1 Never-0

Self-expression

-Do you openly and confidently express yourself verbally, creatively and in the way you dress?

Regularly – 3 Occasionally – 2 Rarely – 1 Never – 0

Love

-Are you connected to your feelings and fully able to connect with others by expressing and receiving affection and intimacy, and by sharing the deepest parts of you (the good, the bad and the ugly)?

Regularly–3 Occasionally–2 Rarely–1 Never-0

Self-responsibility

-Do you take responsibility for your emotions, reactions, actions and circumstances, regardless of whether others blame bad luck, politicians, the economy or any other ‘outside’ force?

Always–3 Sometimes–2 Rarely-1 Never-0

Your rating on the Humanity Index

If you scored 30-36 points:

You’re almost angelic and an inspiration to humanity. You have exceptional magnetism and can effortlessly attract and create amazing things in life. Consequently, it makes no sense to disperse your energies on things you’re not passionate about; focus instead on what fills you with joy. You are a natural leader and a mentor. You could be using your wisdom and awareness with young people, if you’re not already, and this would bring you great fulfillment. Deepening your emotional and spiritual connection to yourself and to others is likely to be the most rewarding pursuit for you—but don’t forget to include large doses of fun and laughter.

If you scored 18-29 points:

You’re unsure of yourself and your role here on Earth. You blow hot and cold when it comes to personal and/or professional commitment. Because of this, you experience patchy success and fulfillment – attracting some great stuff but also some real downers, which keeps you stuck in unrewarding cycles. You have significant skills and would do well to focus on solidifying your personal boundaries so that you become more fully defined as an individual—and more magnetic, as a result. Avoid making any choices based on fear; say no to anything that feels wrong and only say yes to things or people that feel really good. You would also greatly benefit from exploring your creativity more deeply. (You’ve really only skimmed the surface – being careful and playing ‘safe’.) Delve more deeply, challenge yourself and play more; your creativity is the key to you thriving. Acting, working with children, or being a Big Brother/Sister would also help you to solidify the emotionally wobbly parts of yourself.

If you scored 10-17 points:

You are only partially activated as a human being and have great difficulty attracting or connecting with good stuff in your life. You need to come out of your self-absorbed little shell and start interacting with the rest of humanity. Your magnetism is barely registering, but only because you’ve kept yourself turned down so low. Increase the volume, speak up, show up, dress up, wake up! It’s all up from here, for you. Focus on giving to others and see how it feels when you allow yourself to be generous, present or simply open to being liked. Breathe more and move your body. You’re like an iceberg, with only a tiny percentage of yourself visible or available to others (or yourself). But even icebergs thaw with a little consistent warmth. Get active, join a club, volunteer at your community centre, take up singing—and you just might be surprised (and thrilled) to find that there’s a worthy, lovable human being in there.

If you scored 0-9 points:

Hello? Is there anybody there? HELLO??? Anybody? Mmmmm… I guess not.