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Stuck in a power struggle with yourself?

iStock_000005889385XSmallAs a coach and counsellor, I’m privileged to work with some wonderful high-powered businessmen (and -women). Yet the men, particularly, often resist their power so strongly that it can sometimes be hard to break through. They’re used to being in charge and to making things work. After all, for better or for worse, they’ve been running the world for millennia. But if things are not working in their business, they tend to attribute it to some external factor—the market, the economy, the poor work ethic, the wrong location, the workers, the competition, etc. They tell me: Olga, you don’t understand this business. I’ve been running this company for 30 years and I know how these things work.

And I say to them: Well, you’ve been running your body for 55 years and it’s not bringing you what you want; how well do you know how it works?

I’ve been around the block, Olga, and this is how it works in this industry. People just don’t

But it’s not about those people, out there. It’s about what’s going on inside; it’s about the power of you and your subconscious, and whether that power is switched on or off. It’s about whether that power is being channelled into external sinkholes or into the true inner drivers of your life.

But you don’t know how hard I’ve worked, how many times I’ve tried to fix this… you just don’t understand everything I’ve done.

True. I don’t. But I don’t need to, because I know the power of you—how it gets switched off, what it takes to switch it on, why we resist it so much, and how we can prove to ourselves that there’s an easier way to win. I don’t need to know the story of your life to know what’s going on; whatever’s happening in your life right now is story enough.

Yes, but…

I’ve been there, done that—argued with all the ‘evidence’ that life presents, and resisted the deeper truth, again and again and again. I’ve been masterful at resisting the power of me, and I know the symptoms of self-denial.

There’s a basic goodness and strength in men that pushes them to want to achieve things, to perform well and to make things work. (Of course, there’s sometimes a teeny weeny bit of ego, as well…) But while men can readily acknowledge the power of their business, as something they have created, they often discount the power of themselves, which is something that they are. And while it might sometimes seem as if I’m criticizing their approach by focusing on what’s going on inside them, I’m actually paying them the greatest compliment possible. I’m directing them to explore a power that will leave all their sophisticated business strategies in the shade.

We all have it, of course—not just men—and it’s a power that overrides market forces, the economy and whatever other factors may seem to be deciding our fate. Recognizing and understanding that power represents such a radical shift that it’s often too big a leap for some to make. Circumstances are so convincing, dramatic and distracting that we can’t see how some indefinable force inside us could possibly cancel out all the ‘evidence’ of our apparent inability to turn things around—to get the partner of our dreams, to save our business, to heal our relationships, or to break long-standing cycles of debt or defeat.

Yet if we resist an exploration of this power, we’re resisting ourselves. If we resist an expression of this power, we’re resisting success. If we insist on believing in the power of external forces, we’re resisting the easy route to getting what we want.

In all the strategizing, financial planning, market research and other due diligence that hard-working businessmen undergo, it can be hard to see an easy route. But if we switch our focus from external events to our internal dynamics, we discover a much greater force that can work in our favour.

I sometimes encourage men (especially those who work even harder when things stall) to take time out to just sit and meditate—to allow inspiration and answers to come to them, and to demonstrate the trust and confidence that they don’t always feel, deep down. But many of them are quick to set me straight: Olga, meditation doesn’t work for me. And I don’t have time for it; I’ve got to save my business, make money, protect my employees…

If we resist meditation, we’re resisting a connection with our self—the source of all our answers. And if meditation ‘doesn’t work’, it’s the connection with self that’s been scrambled.

We all have the power to be masterfully ‘manifestatious’. Our bodies and minds are the systems through which we live our lives—the medium through which we process who we think we are, how we think life works, and what we believe is possible. It’s not about finding a savvy business plan to outsmart the competition, or using clever marketing strategies to attract lots of paying clients. It’s about recognizing that you are the system, and then working to ensure that that system is operating powerfully—with solid self-worth, positive intent, healthy dynamics, clear boundaries, wholesome integrity, honest self-expression, sound values, and a loving validation of who you are, without manipulation, disrespect or contrivance, and without compromising or over-extending yourself in the hope of a payoff.

So, men, take a bow for all that you’ve achieved …and take a break to let in all that’s trying to reach you. You deserve it and it’s time to let things be easy. Any negative circumstances are simply pushing you to take charge in a new and masterful way, from the inside out.

Forget about tapping into the grid; get connected to the power in you and you’ll have no more power failures in your life. You’ll have power to pass on to others—and rocket fuel to spare.

Perception or deception? What you see is what you get…

14/06/2013 6 comments

perceptionI wonder how our lives would change if we put a positively powerful spin on our greatest challenges. What if, for example, I viewed my recent brain surgery as one of the highlights of my life? It might go something like this:

Gosh, this is exciting, isn’t it? Brain surgery! Never had that before. And none of my friends have ever had this kind of intriguing experience. What’s it all about, and what might they find in there, apart from that pushy little blob that’s trying to take over? I’ve probably been coasting too much, getting bored with the status quo and indulging in too much mental masturbation; since my mind loves a challenge, this one has obviously been sent to get me thinking in a whole (hole?) new way. And isn’t it fascinating to think that my waking self got dispatched into some death-like, timeless zone while the surgeon took a saw to my noggin? In a flash, I’m awake again without ever knowing I’d been asleep. Yet eight long hours have passed, with the most delicate dance of intricate interventions having been choreographed by a whole team of experts, completely focused on me. Am I not hugely blessed? Not only did I manifest a highly skillful surgical team to save my life, but I have a body that can re-grow an entire network of nerves, re-knit bone, and recalibrate the brain once the squatter has been evicted. Blimey. I’m amazing! Yet I’ve been twiddling my thumbs, metaphorically speaking—taking my sweet time with life and work, and really not pushing myself even close to my potential (while spending far too much time contemplating my limits to even glimpse what’s beyond them). It’s time to do something seriously superlative with all this power inside me.

It’s no surprise, then, that I now have little time for pleasantries or being polite, just for the sake of propriety. I no longer sweat the small stuff (well, maybe just a little, but I usually catch myself before I go too far down those nasty little rabbit holes). I’m keenly aware of my mortality, while realizing that my body has incredible creative, healing powers that I never truly grasped or valued before.

But what about the small stuff? If we take the stance that we’re in charge, that we powerfully attract all kinds of circumstances that are designed to ultimately advance us along our personal evolutionary path, then we must consistently hold that power in every single thing—from the tedious breakdown of a nifty new laptop, to the disintegration of a long-standing relationship. We’re either in charge or we’re not. We’re either powerful or we’re not. So patting ourselves on the back for having manifested a fabulous new partner, yet bemoaning the fact that we just got fired from work doesn’t make sense— and it doesn’t do us justice.

So if I client cancels or if something important gets rescheduled, I ask myself what opportunity I have created by orchestrating this turn of events. I almost always find the answer: I needed to rest; I wanted to work on my book; I needed to go for a walk—and if I hadn’t, I’d never have found that amazing book or bumped into that guy who… You get the idea. I’m in charge. I’m running my own show—even when my subconscious brings me stuff I don’t like; it’s only doing its job—putting me in touch with something I wasn’t aware of or hadn’t yet seen from an enlightened, empowered perspective.

So it’s all good, even when it’s bad. And we’re in charge, even when life seems chaotic. What you see is not necessarily what’s there. Yet what you see is what you get.

US reality check: the president is NOT the problem

Why is President Obama being attacked from all sides, after such a positive start to his presidency? Why has he failed to make the difference that he initially seemed so capable of making?

His apparent failure is part of an ongoing cycle that is never going to change unless we realize what’s really driving the crises and dysfunction in our world. We are so busy trying to address the symptoms of dysfunction that we fail to ask the bigger questions: why is there such dysfunction and strife? Why are we locked in repeating cycles of debt, military defensiveness, economic boom-and-bust?

This is not about Obama’s shortcomings; it’s about what’s missing in us all. And the root of our dysfunction lies in our negative programming—the most powerful factor in determining the quality and success of our lives, yet the most overlooked. Through our upbringing, schooling and religions, we are programmed to feel inadequate, unworthy, insecure and powerless to orchestrate our lives. We are taught to live reactively, to devise strategies and manipulative mechanisms for getting what we want, and to cope with life as it appears to just randomly happen to us. Our deep-seated unworthiness and lack of healthy self-acceptance leave us disempowered and needy, unable to create/sustain healthy relationships. We’re driven to earn the acceptance, approval, recognition, validation or love that we need in order to feel good about ourselves. And if we cannot master our relationships at the individual level, we cannot hope to do so at the international level.

We expect one man to fix a nation, yet most people are not even taking responsibility for their own lives, let alone doing something to address the bigger problems. They enthusiastically elect him, then proceed to decimate him—from the Capitol to the voter—rather than championing and supporting him in working on their behalf. They cannot believe in him because they cannot believe in themselves. He’s a handy target for their anger and frustration at not being fulfilled or prosperous in their lives, yet their individual situations—as well as the collective problems relating to the economy, terrorism, poverty, etc—are the direct result of the negative programming that permeates society.

Obama cannot possibly heal a dysfunctional nation on his own. What Americans believe him to be capable of is a reflection of their own perceived abilities and self-worth. And attacking him/voting him out of office is simply going to confirm their subconscious beliefs about not being able to have what they want in life.

War, debt, crime, divorce, ill-health, addictions, poverty, economic crises and political gridlock are the symptoms of a race that has failed to understand or master itself. Until we start to examine the negative programming that runs (and often ruins) our lives, and to empower ourselves in practical ways, these dysfunctional cycles will keep repeating themselves.

From the interpersonal to the international, it’s the same dynamic. It’s just like in a relationship, once the honeymoon period is over. Our issues come up, the dysfunction kicks in and suddenly our loved one starts looking inadequate and flawed. But what’s really happening is that we start to blame the other person for not giving us the love, attention, affection or fulfillment we want—and have been missing all along. We are needy, incomplete and disempowered, and THAT is what’s wrong with America—and any other country with economic problems, civil strife, etc. It’s got nothing to do with the president or any other politician.

Have no illusions about the next president being any better …for as long as Americans remain so profoundly disempowered.