His apparent failure is part of an ongoing cycle that is never going to change unless we realize what’s really driving the crises and dysfunction in our world. We are so busy trying to address the symptoms of dysfunction that we fail to ask the bigger questions: why is there such dysfunction and strife? Why are we locked in repeating cycles of debt, military defensiveness, economic boom-and-bust?

This is not about Obama’s shortcomings; it’s about what’s missing in us all. And the root of our dysfunction lies in our negative programming—the most powerful factor in determining the quality and success of our lives, yet the most overlooked. Through our upbringing, schooling and religions, we are programmed to feel inadequate, unworthy, insecure and powerless to orchestrate our lives. We are taught to live reactively, to devise strategies and manipulative mechanisms for getting what we want, and to cope with life as it appears to just randomly happen to us. Our deep-seated unworthiness and lack of healthy self-acceptance leave us disempowered and needy, unable to create/sustain healthy relationships. We’re driven to earn the acceptance, approval, recognition, validation or love that we need in order to feel good about ourselves. And if we cannot master our relationships at the individual level, we cannot hope to do so at the international level.

We expect one man to fix a nation, yet most people are not even taking responsibility for their own lives, let alone doing something to address the bigger problems. They enthusiastically elect him, then proceed to decimate him—from the Capitol to the voter—rather than championing and supporting him in working on their behalf. They cannot believe in him because they cannot believe in themselves. He’s a handy target for their anger and frustration at not being fulfilled or prosperous in their lives, yet their individual situations—as well as the collective problems relating to the economy, terrorism, poverty, etc—are the direct result of the negative programming that permeates society.

Obama cannot possibly heal a dysfunctional nation on his own. What Americans believe him to be capable of is a reflection of their own perceived abilities and self-worth. And attacking him/voting him out of office is simply going to confirm their subconscious beliefs about not being able to have what they want in life.

War, debt, crime, divorce, ill-health, addictions, poverty, economic crises and political gridlock are the symptoms of a race that has failed to understand or master itself. Until we start to examine the negative programming that runs (and often ruins) our lives, and to empower ourselves in practical ways, these dysfunctional cycles will keep repeating themselves.

From the interpersonal to the international, it’s the same dynamic. It’s just like in a relationship, once the honeymoon period is over. Our issues come up, the dysfunction kicks in and suddenly our loved one starts looking inadequate and flawed. But what’s really happening is that we start to blame the other person for not giving us the love, attention, affection or fulfillment we want—and have been missing all along. We are needy, incomplete and disempowered, and THAT is what’s wrong with America—and any other country with economic problems, civil strife, etc. It’s got nothing to do with the president or any other politician.

Have no illusions about the next president being any better …for as long as Americans remain so profoundly disempowered.

Yet what Moore is experiencing is a classic case of negative subconscious programming that has resulted in low self-worth, which has caused her to attract relationships that trigger, reflect and confirm her perceived unlovability. What she doesn’t seem to realize is that her subconscious programming is the only thing that needs to be addressed; she herself is absolutely lovable and deserving of love (and I personally think she’s wonderful). Even though she might intellectually know this to be true, however, her subconscious believes otherwise. And for as long as her negative subconscious programming is running the show (as it has been, up to now), she will keep attracting partners who fail to give her the kind of love that she seeks—despite her keen awareness of the issues. It doesn’t matter what I or millions of others might think about her, or even what Ashton Kutcher might think; it’s what she thinks of herself subconsciously—and demonstrates in her words/actions—that determines how much love she can attract, let in and hold on to.

The key to breaking this kind of frustrating cycle is to understand and work with the following seven principles:

1. Our subconscious is very magnetic and it causes us to attract very particular people, partners, challenges and circumstances, in accordance with how it has been programmed.

2. We have all been negatively programmed at the subconscious level—with negative beliefs, fears, guilt, expectations and low self-worth that leave us diminished, distorted, dysfunctional and disempowered. As a result, we compromise, have weak personal boundaries, are needy/insecure, and reject/deny/condemn ourselves in countless everyday ways.

3. A key component of our programming relates to our ‘missing pieces’—essential formative qualities, such as acceptance, trust, respect and validation, that we needed as children, in order to be complete, but failed to get. Filling in these missing pieces is the key to creating the love and the life we want.

4. Our missing pieces cause us to attract partners with the same missing pieces as us, which means they’re unable to give us what we’ve been missing and seeking all along; only we can fill in our own missing pieces and we must do so in practical ways, making ourselves emotionally complete so that we then attract a similarly complete partner.

5. Filling in our missing pieces means saying and doing things that DEMONSTRATE healthy self-worth, self-acceptance, self-respect and self-expression in our daily lives. It’s not enough to think positively or to have good intentions; it’s what we do and say to demonstrate our innate deservability (not what we think, feel, intend or believe) that changes our negative programming and then brings us what we’ve been missing all along.

6. Anything that’s not working in our lives—relationships, finances, career, health—is a direct reflection of the parts of our negative programming that are asking to be addressed; every challenge we face is a call to empowerment, in the context of our own particular programming and missing pieces.

7. Our programming is the very thing that gets in the way of us realizing that it’s the very thing that’s getting in our way. Transforming our negative programming in practical ways is the most powerful, effective way to create what we want.

So, rather than telling the world how unlovable she feels, Demi Moore could set a powerful example for others by getting down to the deeper truth of her dilemma—and by filling in her missing pieces so that she starts to attract the kind of partner she really wants and deserves.

She might also want to consider the fact that our bodies send us messages when we fail to honour them or respect their needs, thereby creating distress or rapid degeneration. If we’re feeling betrayed by our body, then, it’s almost always because our negative programming has prompted us to make emotional, physical or nutritional compromises in the hope of acceptance or approval from others—which means that we betray our body in numerous ways. We say yes when we want to say no; we over-extend ourselves, in the hope of recognition; we become pleasers, in the hope that others will love us in return; and we make others’ needs or feelings more important than ours, rarely putting ourselves first in healthy, unconditional ways. Understanding and heeding the body’s messages is another way of connecting with the deeper truth about ourselves—and cancelling out the negative programming that has been covering it up.

We spend a lot of time and energy seeking love in our lives. We may be looking for acceptance from a partner or approval from a parent; we may be hoping to succeed at a job interview or to win the respect of our peers; or we may be looking for support from our friends or help with some heartache. But all of these things are a form of love, and the need for this love drives almost everything we do.

Yet in relating to our partner, parent, boss or friends, we often send them very self-defeating messages. In our need for love lies our subconscious belief that we don’t deserve it. And in our attempts to appear lovable or acceptable to others, we trip over ourselves telling them how inadequate we are. I know I look fat in this dress. I’m really stupid when it comes to maths. I’m never going to get this right. I don’t earn enough money. I’m a hopeless dancer. I hate my legs—they’re full of cellulite. My hair’s a mess. I’ve got SO many wrinkles. I look ancient… What man/woman is going to want this??

We invalidate ourselves daily and we’ve got an arsenal of disclaimers to pre-empt the possible—and anticipated—criticisms of others. We so desperately want others to like/love/accept us that we allow them to define us—and we help them along by listing all our flaws and shortcomings. We give them rights to us—the right to determine how lovable we are; the right to determine how we feel about ourselves; and the right to treat us the way they think we should be treated. Yet we’re entitled to love and we must take ownership of our rights.

When we subconsciously believe ourselves to be unlovable, we prevent others from loving us. If we want to truly allow others in and to be deeply, unconditionally loved, we must stop rejecting ourselves—before, during and after any kind of interaction. We must reclaim ownership of ourselves and allow ourselves to be loved. It’s a choice, not a judgement. We must realize that we determine just how lovable, acceptable and deserving we are.  We think it’s determined by others who appear to be judging us, but the deeper truth is that our perception of unlovability causes us to attract people who reflect that perception back to us.

Being overweight, financially challenged, clumsy, shy, insecure etc has nothing to do with our lovability. These are merely the outcomes of our belief that we’re unlovable and we use them as excuses to buffer ourselves from being ‘found out’. After all, if someone gets too close, they’re going to discover just how unlovable we really are, right? Or so we often believe.

Yet a lot of our insecurities can generate self-pity—even blame. I’m so upset that he didn’t like me. How could he SAY such a thing?? If only she hadn’t made that nasty comment about me I’d be okay. It’s her fault that I’ve got this whopping headache. Some people are so selfish; they just dump everything on me. Everyone expects me to do all the work around here. We even use others as an excuse for staying stuck. I’m not going out today; I’ve put on so much weight, I don’t want anyone to see me like this. I’m not going to his party; he’s only going to talk about his boring work…

We’re really quite creative in the strategies we devise to hold ourselves back. We hardly need others to help us. But we need to wise up if we truly want to be loved. We must take ourselves seriously if we want to be seen for who we really are. And we must take responsibility for all the people we reject in their bid to reach us. Attracting love is not just about loving yourself more; it’s about choice, ownership, responsibility and entitlement—keys to the core of you.

Image: Salvatore Vuono / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Humans, on the other hand, tend to be filled with self-doubt and insecurity—despite all our resources, skills and creativity. We have difficulty trusting ourselves or the natural order of things. We mask our fears, put on a brave front, and do whatever we can to impress others, in the hope that they’ll find us acceptable.

In life as in business, this insecurity cramps our style. It hinders our authenticity and the power that comes from being naturally, quirkily ourselves. In striving to make ourselves acceptable, we actually diminish our value. If we lack strong, healthy self-acceptance—as so many of us do, due to early negative programming or insensitive upbringing—we don’t believe we’re worthy of love, success or approval. As a result, we make compromises in the hope that others will like or accept us. We say yes when we really want to say no; we over-extend ourselves in our work because we want to prove our value; and we go along with what others want, to avoid conflict, disharmony or rejection.

Yet to be powerful in business and relationships, we need a strong sense of identity, healthy self-worth and the ability to embody our personal values in everyday life. Now, more than ever before, we’re being called upon to say what we mean, mean what we say, and practise social, moral and emotional integrity. When we do, we make a powerful impact. In the midst of all the hype and hard sell, authenticity is as refreshing as a cool shower on a blisteringly hot summer’s day.

The only thing that stops us from being more powerfully authentic is the fear of rejection. We’ll do almost anything to avoid that. But catering to this insecurity often brings us the very rejection we fear, whereas being brazenly authentic makes us attractively compelling. When we dare to be ourselves, to speak our minds and to express how we truly feel, we become magnets for good stuff.

Being authentic not only breaks long-standing cycles of conformity; it also gets people’s attention, as well as their respect and admiration. I’ve experienced this in my own work and life. When I say what I think/feel (despite anticipated negative reactions), I feel good about me—and that, in turn, generates some other positive outcome that matches the healthy self-worth I’ve demonstrated by being true to myself.

Finding true success and fulfillment is all about practising the very qualities that are so often missing in our early conditioning—respect, honesty and the ability to communicate with presence and transparency. These qualities are often missing in our business dealings too, as we’ve all been programmed to cater to the needs and expectations of others, rather than trusting in the value of our unique insights and contribution.

If you want to thrive in business or in love, dare to express what you really think; be proactive, rather than catering to existing circumstances or market forces; follow your instincts and find your voice, even if it means disagreeing with the boss; let go of the need to be accepted by others and focus instead on being true to you—the person you’ve got to live with for the rest of your life. Only when you give yourself the approval, acceptance and respect you’ve been seeking from others, can you really take off and fly.

It’s clear that we’re living in an increasingly digital environment and I doubt that there will be many physical bookshops left by 2020. It’s not that they don’t represent a unique retailing experience; they do, but I don’t think that will be enough to ensure their survival. It won’t be enough to have ‘good’ bookshops, filled with interesting books, a wide range of genres, and helpful, knowledgeable staff. This kind of offering is too passive to be sustainable in our rapidly evolving world. What’s required is a much more seamless marriage between digital and printed products, and an active embracement of emerging media opportunities. ‘Good’ bookshops will have e-readers, Kindles, iPads, computer stations for downloading e-books with the assistance of staff, and printing stations for those who want to print out all or part of their e-book. They will have an educational component, offering instruction on digital browsing, blog writing/posting, apps, and other elements relating to social and interactive media. They will become leaders in written and digital communication, rather than simply trying to add value to the static printed-book product.

The digital revolution has had another significant impact: in addition to changing our mechanisms of communication, it is changing the language itself. SMS, e-mails and other forms of instant communication are causing our language to become fragmented and to be broken down into its most primitive elements. Words are truncated and punctuation is omitted. Keywords are used as code. Some claim that our language is simply evolving; that may be true, but it’s not a pretty sight. To me, language appears to be degenerating. People write your when they mean you’re, whose when they mean who’s, it’s when they mean its, and which when they mean that. It’s sloppy, unattractive and downright annoying — for those who love language. Unfortunately, even before the digital revolution, our education systems failed to efficiently teach grammatical correctness or promote the value of eloquent, articulate communication. Now, for young people particularly, the ability to communicate via online social media is far more important than the art of communication. And this is the key issue: we are losing the integrity and artistry of our language. Even printed books produced by well-known publishing houses are full of grammatical errors and lazy punctuation — quite apart from the Americanisms that have seeped into every linguistic crevice of the Anglophone world.

While the digital revolution may be hugely beneficial in terms of enhancing the content of what we say and the mechanisms we use to deliver our message, it is decimating our language and the articulacy with which we express ourselves. For most people, that doesn’t matter. Unfortunately, that collective indifference is reducing our communications down to the level of the lowest common denominator. While global digital communication is shrinking our world and putting us increasingly in touch with each other, it’s resulting in multi-tasking, short attention spans, rapid-fire communication, and chronic interruptions. It’s also shrinking our brains, affecting our health, and diluting our linguistic personality in ways that will ultimately force us to emotionally reconnect with ourselves, to revert to old values, and to turn off the computer, the cellphone, the iPhone, the iPod and the whole wide world of digital noise so we can curl up peacefully on the sofa with a really good book.

The Humanity Index is a way to gauge your willingness and capacity to be a decent, fully functioning, powerful human being — with a sense of humour and with the magnetism to attract what you want. It will provide a measure of how engaged you are in life, how committed you are to being fully you, and how much you believe in your ability to make a difference.

(If you’re too jaded to fill it out, or if you just can’t find the time because you’ve got 5,000 friends on Facebook, 1.5 million people following you on Twitter, and a dinner date with your pet goldfish, then you might want to consider whether there’s more to life — and you — than this.)

Integrity

-Are you true to yourself—speaking and acting in alignment with your values and beliefs?

Usually-3 Sometimes-2 Rarely-1 Never-0

Compassion

- Do you feel compassion for others and act on it in practical ways, taking time to listen/provide support?

Regularly–3 Occasionally–2 Rarely-1 Never-0

Honesty

-Do you express what’s in your heart and tell the whole story (not just the ‘safe’ bits)?

Often–3 Sometimes–2 Rarely-1 Never-0

Commitment

-Are you fully committed to being the best that you can be, actively doing your utmost to realize your dreams, and to staying healthy, fit and engaged in life?

Always–3 Sometimes–2 Rarely-1 Never-0

Intuition

-Are you connected to your gut instincts and do you trust/act on them in all important decisions?

Always – 3 Sometimes – 2 Rarely -1 Never – 0

Generosity

-Do you give money to support your community and give to the homeless/selected charities, spontaneously and with an open heart?
Regularly – 3 Occasionally – 2 Rarely – 1 Never – 0

Creativity

-Do you explore and engage in creative activities that inspire you and feed your passions?

Regularly–3 Occasionally–2 Rarely–1 Never-0

Friendships

-Do you take time to cultivate friendships, without being needy or a pleaser?
Regularly–3 Occasionally–2 Rarely–1 Never-0

Relationships

-Are your relationships based on trust, respect, healthy self-acceptance and understanding?

Yes–3 Sometimes–2 Rarely–1 Never-0

Self-expression

-Do you openly and confidently express yourself verbally, creatively and in the way you dress?

Regularly – 3 Occasionally – 2 Rarely – 1 Never – 0

Love

-Are you connected to your feelings and fully able to connect with others by expressing and receiving affection and intimacy, and by sharing the deepest parts of you (the good, the bad and the ugly)?

Regularly–3 Occasionally–2 Rarely–1 Never-0

Self-responsibility

-Do you take responsibility for your emotions, reactions, actions and circumstances, regardless of whether others blame bad luck, politicians, the economy or any other ‘outside’ force?

Always–3 Sometimes–2 Rarely-1 Never-0

Your rating on the Humanity Index

If you scored 30-36 points:

You’re almost angelic and an inspiration to humanity. You have exceptional magnetism and can effortlessly attract and create amazing things in life. Consequently, it makes no sense to disperse your energies on things you’re not passionate about; focus instead on what fills you with joy. You are a natural leader and a mentor. You could be using your wisdom and awareness with young people, if you’re not already, and this would bring you great fulfillment. Deepening your emotional and spiritual connection to yourself and to others is likely to be the most rewarding pursuit for you—but don’t forget to include large doses of fun and laughter.

If you scored 18-29 points:

You’re unsure of yourself and your role here on Earth. You blow hot and cold when it comes to personal and/or professional commitment. Because of this, you experience patchy success and fulfillment – attracting some great stuff but also some real downers, which keeps you stuck in unrewarding cycles. You have significant skills and would do well to focus on solidifying your personal boundaries so that you become more fully defined as an individual—and more magnetic, as a result. Avoid making any choices based on fear; say no to anything that feels wrong and only say yes to things or people that feel really good. You would also greatly benefit from exploring your creativity more deeply. (You’ve really only skimmed the surface – being careful and playing ‘safe’.) Delve more deeply, challenge yourself and play more; your creativity is the key to you thriving. Acting, working with children, or being a Big Brother/Sister would also help you to solidify the emotionally wobbly parts of yourself.

If you scored 10-17 points:

You are only partially activated as a human being and have great difficulty attracting or connecting with good stuff in your life. You need to come out of your self-absorbed little shell and start interacting with the rest of humanity. Your magnetism is barely registering, but only because you’ve kept yourself turned down so low. Increase the volume, speak up, show up, dress up, wake up! It’s all up from here, for you. Focus on giving to others and see how it feels when you allow yourself to be generous, present or simply open to being liked. Breathe more and move your body. You’re like an iceberg, with only a tiny percentage of yourself visible or available to others (or yourself). But even icebergs thaw with a little consistent warmth. Get active, join a club, volunteer at your community centre, take up singing—and you just might be surprised (and thrilled) to find that there’s a worthy, lovable human being in there.

If you scored 0-9 points:

Hello? Is there anybody there? HELLO??? Anybody? Mmmmm… I guess not.